I’ve really sucked at updating lately but if I was honest, I am struggling to make sense of the stuff that’s going on. I in now way am at a point where I could put it all down. There’s a lot of good, a bit of chaos, stress of course, worry, and trepidation. I’m trying to untangle some large vines that have seen clogging up my head for years and it’s not going to happen overnight. I hope I can find peace with it soon though.
Quick notes:
Teaching is awesome and also more chaos and stress than I’ve dealt with in a long time.
Designing things that I actually enjoy. I hope I can continue.
I’d love to be planning on when I’m going to head back to school but I know my body needs a bit more time and treatment.
ah, treatment–it has been impossible since I’ve been sick non-stop from the kids but the amazing thing is that I’m surviving it. Hurting, very much, but I actually have something to contribute now.
I head back to the Lyme Doc in November.
In two weeks I’m seeing an OBGYN surgeon about having some type of surgery to deal with the endometrosis, most likely it will be a full hysterectomy. It’s almost all that I want for Christmas. (if we could just get rid of the chest tumors at the same time, that would be awesome but expensive $5,700 for just the surgery, not counting accommodations or travel to Sunrise, FL.)
The Susan/therapy is sort of at a stand still, I’m not sure that she is the best fit to guide me through the gender stuff. The jury is still out on everything else.
I hope we can make some progress soon, I’m tired of feeling like I’m alone on the island.
I miss my friends, (happy for the ones who have stayed) it hurts me deeply that I’ve lost two for such insignificant reasons. In my wildest dreams, I never would have imagined this. It hurts everyday and I wish I would reach out, but I can’t keep reaching if there’s nothing there to hold on to. Perhaps, it’s my own stubbornness that is causing me the pain–but I feel that I’ve made efforts to reach out and they were not reciprocated. I am thankful to have an old friend back in my life, I hope for good.
We’re looking at houses again and I’m just not going to get my hopes up but I hope change is on the horizon for us.
that’s all for now. I hope the distance is shorter between this and what is next.
