A friend with Lyme checked up on me lately and I thought I’d share my response, as it’s not the type of things I would normally share with just anybody.
Thanks for checking in and saying hi. That post wasn’t about lyme but it easily could have been. I’m just going through a rough time on top of lyme. I am really struggling emotionally at this point and I’m far more depressed than I’ve ever been. Part of that is lyme, part of it is PTSD over past events, part is dealing with the anxiety of being constantly surrounded by illness, and part of it just simply the fact that I’ve had enough. I hope to start seeing somebody after my surgery Tuesday because I am no longer comfortable in my mind or my body. This has been a long time coming and I’m more than willing to ask for help. I have no doubt that in time I will be able to heal but my mind needs to be healed just like my body does. I guess at this point lyme is really the icing on the shit cake, and that makes it hard to focus on my physical health. I’m not eating anymore but amazingly, I haven’t lost any weight. I should be emaciated at this point but I’m not even close-I keep gaining weight actually. It’s hell and it’s even worse now since Jakki is on treatment-it’s so much more stress and so much more worry. I can fake feeling ok, I do it all the time in my videos but the truth of the matter is I’m far from ok and I think most people with lyme deep down are in some similar place. I’ll keep making videos and keep pushing through, I just hope this cloud over my head will lift sometime soon. Thanks for checking in. Hope you are taking care and healing.
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